I am baaaaaaack!
Not that anyone cares or has been asking , but just in case you were wondering.
I am here, I am present, I am in the now.
Although I am doing better, I still have a long way to go. I’ve been working (I am looking for another job though) and going on a few dates. So, let me tell you what happened on one of these dates.
Now, I don’t date a lot because well I don’t get asked out a lot. Before anyone says anything, I have done the aking shhh.
Anyways, a man I’ve known for quite some time asked me out for coffee and I said yes because I knew him. I thought he was funny and was never disrespectful towards me. Also, I love coffee.
We met at the coffee shop and we were chatting. It was a nice, “chill” conversation and we left because the shop was about to close which I believed to be a good sign. He then walked me to my car and when we were saying our good-byes, he sort of grabbed my hand and tried to swap saliva with yours truly.
HOWEVER, I am a person who needs time to feel comfortable with human touch (I sound strange, but it’s true) and this includes kissing. I quickly turned my face and he ended giving me very very wet kiss on the cheek. I am not going to lie it was not the nicest feeling in the world, it was just a big NO.
I explained to him that it was not him, because it was not, and that I needed some time to feel comfortable. If he did not want to pursue anything more then I understood because well it has happened before so eeehh no big deal. He said he totally understood and would not try it again, so we made plans to go out.
We went on our second date, he picked me up and everything went fine until he dropped me off. We got out the car, and we hugged good-bye but then he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and said something along the lines of “what are you doing!”
And you know what he did?
He pushed me against his car and kissed me while grabbing one of my breasts. Everything happened so fast that I have no idea how it got to that point and how I was able to push him off me. And you want to know what he did next?
HE LAUGHED. That’s right, he laughed. I felt afraid, powerless and like such a damn idiot.
I ran to my door, opened it and when I closed it I was shaking. I was so fucking scared.
I know worse things have happened to other women and men. This was the first time something of this magnitude happened to me. I am not going to sit here and say it was the first time some jerk grabbed me without my consent because it hasn’t. I have attended concerts and my butt was grabbed which again, it was not and will never be okay.
The difference here is I told this man that I was not comfortable with touching let alone kissing because that is how I am. He said he understood. He said he wouldn’t try it again but HE DID and HE LAUGHED AT MY FACE.
I haven’t shared this incident with anyone. I have shared the concert incidents, the cat calls and other unwanted advances made by men but not this one. I suppose I still feel like an idiot since I believed this guy to be a “nice guy” but I was completely wrong. Some people are better at hiding how shitty they truly are.